How to live with memories, both painful and happy ones.
Make some memories today…
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” - Dr. Seuss
Today my new Ikea catalog came in the mail. I immediately opened it up and began thumbing through the pages. As I looked at photo after photo, I started dreaming about redesigning the different rooms in my house.
Dreaming…
I love the possibilities, bright colored photos, the feel of the paper between my fingers and even the smell of the catalog as I flip back and forth. I must confess I have never ordered anything from the catalogs, but I still like to receive them, you know, just in case. I have a basket in my office where the catalogs are tossed, when it gets full, I go through the pile attempting to figure out which ones to keep. It’s hard to throw them away because each one has folded corners to mark items, I might order some day.
Personalizing…
As I am telling you this story about all the catalogs in my basket, I realize there are other catalogs to tell you about. They are not printed on paper and they are unique to me. These catalogs exist in my mind. They are catalogs of memories that I carry around with me. Hawaii, Africa, Family and so many more memories.
Hiding…
At this point in my story, I want to stop writing because there is one catalog in my mind I don’t want to tell you about. It is hard for me to talk about. This is the one I keep handy so that I can emotionally isolate myself as I stay mad at the people who have hurt me. I use it to justify my pain. This catalog is one big heavy book that I add to as pains occur. I don’t need physical pages to fold down with this catalog, I can find a hurt pretty quickly in my mind.
Reflecting…
As I sit here…
a flood of painful memories start pouring into my mind.a flood of painful memories start pouring into my mind.
My good mood starts to go dark and heaviness comes over my heart. A few of the pages have been ripped out as I have found ways to forgive and move on. Other pages are faded, and while forgiveness has been given, the memories help remind me to set boundaries.
Tossing…
As I recall some of the other hurtful events that are logged in the mental pages of this catalog, I realize that I have held on to some of them for way too long. It is time to go through and let them go, to rip out their pages. I know that this will be easy for some events and almost impossible for others. I look out my office window at the fire-pit in my back yard. For a moment I consider building a fire and burning all the catalogs in my office basket.
Choosing…
I stop myself because I realize how much I would miss turning the pages of all the catalogs full of glossy photos of furniture, clothes, shoes or vacation trips if I burned them. So I decide that’s a really bad idea. One day I might actually book that river cruise on page 14 or order that couch on page 27
Accepting…
My thoughts turn to the dark catalog in my mind. Could I build a mental fire, toss the entire catalog into it and pray that the flames would remove all the hurt and painful memories?
Would I miss the dark catalog in my mind
if I was able to burn it?
The answer is, “Yes.”
As I mentally start flipping through the painful memories, I realize that they, along with thousands of good memories, have shaped me into the woman, wife, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, friend, the human being that I have become today and I really like her. I am proud of where I came from and the life I have built.
Growing…
God reminds me once again, that while I need the dark painful catalog to show me how much I have grown, my need to set boundaries, and to offer forgiveness, I can’t live there. It is the same with the happy catalogs in my mind of happy times. While I can remember all the fun of past trips to Nashville, Hawaii and Africa, I can’t live there either.
Teach me how to live to please you, because you’re my God.
Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland.
Psalms 143:10 (The Message)
Trusting…
Years ago when I was preparing to share my testimony at a retreat, I wrote this statement on the top of my outline.
“I am the person I am today, BECAUSE OF,
not in spite of the events that have happened in my life.”- Carole
When I flip through the pages of painful memories in my dark catalog, there is a danger of my emphasis being on the wrong words. Look how it reads when I do that. “I am the person I am today, because of, not "IN SPITE OF" the events that have happened in my life.” Even though the words are exactly the same, living "In spite of” brings feelings of blame, anger, hurt and pain.
As soon as I realize what I’m doing I change my focus to the words, “BECAUSE OF,” these words bring forgiveness and healing.
Living…
I want to challenge you to go through your catalogs, those in your house and especially the ones in your mind.
Ask yourself questions like:
“Am I living in the past?”
“Am I living in isolation thinking that will protect me?”
“Where is my focus when it comes to painful memories?”
So what am I going to do with all my catalogs in the basket in my office today? I am going to toss them all.
While the photos are fun and the thought of buying something new can feel good, I want to live in this moment, enjoying what I have.
How about the catalogs in my mind? I’m going live in this moment as well, putting my focus on “BECAUSE OF,” and celebrate who I have become.
